Sometimes You Have to Lose to Win Again

It's funny when life humbles you when you think you've got everything figured out. And lately, I’ve been knocked down and finally realizing it’s one of those seasons, the kind where everything seems to hit at once. Doors that once opened easily now creak shut. People you thought would always be there drift away quietly. Opportunities you prayed for suddenly feel like burdens. And you start to ask yourself, “What did I do wrong?”

That’s when Fantasia’s “Lose to Win” came on one night. It wasn’t the first time I’d heard it,  but it was the first time I felt it.

“Sometimes you gotta lose to win again…”

That lyric hit different this time, and I fully understand them like never before. Sometimes when you’re in the midst of losing, your peace, your rhythm, your sense of direction, it doesn’t feel like something beautiful could ever come out of it. But that’s the truth of the song and, honestly, of life: sometimes the breaking is the blessing. Sometimes the loss is just life’s way of clearing space for what’s next.

Fantasia sings about being in a relationship that no longer serves her, about giving everything and still feeling empty. And while I may not be singing about love in the same way, I recognize that feeling. This emotional exhaustion comes from showing up for everyone and everything, while silently carrying your own disappointments. Whether it’s in work, friendships, or even personal goals, there’s this quiet ache that builds when you realize you’ve outgrown certain things and specific versions of yourself.

Right now, I’m learning that losing isn’t always failure. Sometimes it’s redirection.

It’s losing the illusion of control so you can find peace in the unknown.

It’s losing people who only loved the easy parts of you, so you can make room for those who love you through the hard ones.

It’s losing comfort so you can grow courage.

I won’t lie, it’s hard. There are nights when I replay everything I’ve lost: relationships, opportunities, moments I wish I could redo. But then I remind myself, you’re not losing, you’re learning. Even in this challenging season, life is still happening. Not perfectly nor smoothly, but it’s happening, and I’m still standing in it.

Fantasia’s voice carries that mix of pain and hope that perfectly sums it up. When she sings about reclaiming herself after heartbreak, it’s like she’s testifying for all of us trying to hold on to faith when things fall apart. Because there’s always that one line in the song that feels like a mirror:

“Have you ever needed someone so bad, but they ain’t really there for you?”

That “someone” can be a person, a job, a dream, anything you’ve clung to even when you knew it was breaking you. And yet, letting go feels like losing. But maybe that’s where the real win begins, because when you realize you have to stop chasing what drains you, emotionally weighs you down, and start trusting what’s meant for you.

So yeah, I’m in a tough season. But I’m learning to let the losses do their work, to strip, to sharpen, to strengthen. Because like Fantasia said, “Sometimes you gotta lose to win again.” And maybe this is just the part of my story where I’m learning how to win differently, with peace, with purpose, and with a deeper understanding of who I’m becoming through it all.